Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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