She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
