i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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