turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
