He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
