I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
