I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
