I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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