So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
