Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
