It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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