Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
