her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
