he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dick very happy bro
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
