I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
