is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
