is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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