For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
