I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
