and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
