his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
