I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
