dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
