Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
