No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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