So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
