May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
