It's Friday. Sex?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
