Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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