is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
