sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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