What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
