my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
