Please, let me fuck your mom
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
