Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
