just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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