We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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