this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
