were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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