my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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