i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize