i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
is it fun? or sober?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
