You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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