Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize