Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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