I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wear drunk well.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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