I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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