I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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