I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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