i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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