So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was like eating out sand paper
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
