dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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