If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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