i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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