Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
