I'm gonna have a badass scar
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
