Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i out mim tonsoeep
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