I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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