I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Found the puke drawer
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize