My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The adults are the big ones right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
