i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
