i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize