By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
