I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
