Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
