I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize