What did we do last night that was yellow?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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