Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
