Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize