youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
