she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
