just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
