So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
