fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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