after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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