Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
