Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
