i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
