I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
