dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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