i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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