white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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