So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
