Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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