She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
