Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
