i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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