I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
