How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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