Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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