Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My life is pants optional.
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