the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
