You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
